妹妹患上抑鬱症，是兩年前的事，導火線是外婆的去世，但我覺得，我要負上責任，因為我以為她能跟我一樣。
我以為，她已有能力在沒太多的照料下成長，所以，我在搬離家前的數天才告訴她，不知道她會忘不了那一天，就是我讓她以為我頭也不回似地將她遺棄的那一天。
我以為，她會建立屬於自己的世界，所以，我隱藏在自己的國度，不知道她希望我們的領域有重叠的部份，也在她的世界裡預留了一個位置給我。
我以為，是時候讓她學習為自己的決定承擔後果，所以，我放手讓她去闖，不知道這會讓她跌倒，既跌得失去自信，也跌得從此失去方向。
我以為，她對我們那次誤會無動於衷，是不再珍惜我們之間姊妹情誼的表現，所以，我也順著她的「意願」調整我們的關係，不知道那又造成另一個更大的誤會，且成了我一直悔恨不已的錯誤...
對不起，以往，我推卸過責任、虛耗過光陰、錯失過機會。現在，請告訴我，在我也需要得到鼓勵的日子，於跨越海洋的距離，以我微弱之心力，還能修補她心靈上的裂縫。
4 comments:
Dear ash,
首先你必須相信抑鬱症是可以改善的, 我身邊便有人成功改善了
但那是一個需要時間和耐性的長期抗戰
從身邊不同朋友的經歷, 我是偏向支持counselling模式,
並且因本人對西醫体系有所保留, 不大認同過早倚靠藥物
不知道你妹妹現在的情況如何, 但希望你不要太自責,先看看怎樣令她感受到你的関懷
只要保持希望, 事情一定有希望!
我相信抑鬱症可以改善，但也相信它不能完全根治。
她一直有看精神科醫生，接受治療後情況好轉了。我知道那是長期抗戰，只是怕自己的愛不夠。
謝謝你的鼓勵。
Hi Ash,
I have the same illness as your sister and gone through medication and counselling. Believe me it could be controllable and (mostly)type of people catch the illness is idealist and we want everything perfect in our way.
I could tell you that you are not the reason making her sick. Your sister knows you love her, I am sure. And it is much better treating your sister as normal. Being with her will be the best you could do. Besides, you still need to keep your own space and leisure too. ( most ppl in depression would like to be alone, unless she got bipolar....)
Remember the balance of life. If you break down, it would be the worst thing to you and your sister as well.
"Your sister knows you love her, I am sure." <-- Thanks！(tearing)
And thanks for reminding me to treat her as normal. Yes, I'm trying to let her feel that I do care for her. But, sometimes, I'm afraid she would be too dependable on me.
I would not let myself breakdown. It's what I have to do throughout my life.
Thanks! Thanks for your words!
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